Models by Mark Manson

Overview (My Notes & Thoughts)

Incredible self-improvement handbook for men leading directly to one of the ultimate goals; success with women.

Chapter Outline:

1. Reality

2. Strategy

3. Honest Living

4. Honest Action

5. Honest Communication

Brief Summary

1. Reality:

           1. Friction: Value differences or external circumstances that prevent attraction, or hinder it being acted on (e.g. physical location, boyfriend, religion).

           2. Projection: past negative experiences with men projected onto your interactions. These cannot be easily overcome.

2. Strategy:

           1. Receptive and compatible: Polarize, attract, and convert.

           2. Receptive and incompatible: Confirm incompatibility and move on.

           3. Neutral: Polarize to receptive or unreceptive.

           4. Unreceptive: Reject, or be rejected by and move on.

           - Do this by making decisions, having opinions and standing by them

           - The more polarizing a man is, the more they are flooded with opportunities with women.

           1. Lifestyle: Living a life based on expression of our values.

           2. Boldness: Being comfortable with our intentions.

           3. Communication: Expressing our sexuality freely.

           1. Unreceptive: Identify quickly and move on.

           2. Neutral: Polarize and force them to become Receptive or Unreceptive by making a decision about you.

           3. Receptive: Escalate quickly.

3. Honest Living

           1. Recognize your personal interests and strengths.

           2. Build upon those personal interests and strengths to attract women in your preferred demographic.

Focus on:

           1. Fitness: Work out and eat healthy.

           2. Fashion: Wear clothes that fit and match. Dress to your personality.

           3. Body Language: Stand erect, walk the same way. Look people in the eye as you pass. Don't look at the ground.

           4. Vocal Tonality: Speak from the chest, not the head.

           5. Developing Character: How do you stand out from the 10 men next to you? What are your rough edges that people can’t find anywhere else?

4. Honest Action

5. Honest Communication

           - Physicality is required to polarize and attract (through boldness).

           - Women are turned on by being desired, and by surrendering control.

           - Kissing: When in doubt, go for it 5 minutes ago.

           - Always escalate slowly. Build expectation.

           - Be dominant.

Full Notes:


The Key to Attractivenes: Become Non-needy.

How to be attractive:

  1. Dare to express the truth and be honest (to yourself and others)
  2. Be Vulnerable
  3. Be Non-Needy
  4. Become Attractive
Biological Basis for Attractiveness and Selection Strategies

Behavior is a signal for attractiveness because possessions were less skewed than they are today.

Vulnerability and Truth

Vulnerability is honesty to yourself and others. Vulnerability represents power, conviction, and the ability to take risk:

How to be vulnerable:

Vulnerability polarizes and attracts women who are attracted to what you stand for, and forces the rest to reject you quickly so you can move on:

Friction and Projection

Two factors that prevent attracted women from being with you:

           - You live in different cities.

           - She's a devout Christian, you're a muslim.

           - She works 6 days a week and has an active social life.

           - She is married.

There will always be some element of friction, compatibility will never be 100%. Projection is more dangerous. Women who project past negative experiences are needy and will find themselves with needy men. Avoid women with projection issues.

Other Misc Reality

Emotions are the key to seduction:

We can't try to attract everyone:

On Narcissists:

Narcissism works in the short term as it appears to share some of the same characteristics as vulnerability. But in the long term, it falls apart. Narcissistic behaviors are needy behaviors as they represent the inability to acknowledge or respect the true value of women.



Women can be Unreceptive, Neutral or Receptive. We must polarize them to confirm which camp they are in and move them to Receptive or Unreceptive.

1. Unreceptive: Not Interested

              - Your effort is better spent elsewhere.

2. Neutral (undecided)

              - Use a "game": Polarize. Flirt, ask them out, and show sexual interest.

              - Take action that forces her to decide how she feels about you.

3. Receptive (already interested)

The percentage of women that you meet in each category will vary widely from man to man and also vary widely depending on the context in which you meet women. Are you in your target demographic? Are you non-needy?

On Polarization:

The biggest hurdle to polarization: Rejection. However, rejection is a necessary part of this process.

Honest Living


Theory: Like attracts like. You attract what you are. Therefore to meet women with low friction, expand your interests and pursue them. Select your demographics carefully to obtain maximum results and satisfaction:

  1. Recognize your personal interests and strengths.
  2. Build upon those personal interests and strengths to quickly attract women in your preferred demographic.


  1. Prioritize what you value most in a woman: Honesty? Beauty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? List any deal breakers.
  2. Identify where women with those traits are likely to be found.
  3. What do you enjoy doing the most? Reading or writing? Music? Sports? Identify events or organizations where you can explore these interests. Also, identify activities you would like to do but have never -- make a promise to yourself to start.
Lifestyle & Presentation


           1. Wear clothes that fit.

           2. Wear clothes that match.

               - Your belt should match your shoes and or your accessories.

               - If you’re wearing dress pants, your socks should match your pants. If you’re wearing jeans, your socks should match your shoes.

               - Your accessories must be all gold or all silver.

               - Buy "black set" & "brown set" (shoes, belt, jacket), a few jeans, some shirts.

           3. Dress to your personality.

           - Diet

           - Exercise

           - 60% of all communication.

           - Erect posture.

          - As you walk down the street, remember: shoulders back, chin up, eyes straight, feet straight, shoulders swagger, arms swing. Always look straight ahead. Don’t ever look down at the ground unless you think you’re about to trip.

           - Look people in the eye as they walk by — particularly attractive girls. You'll catch people making eye contact with you. You'll feel the urge to look away. Don’t. Always make other people break eye contact with you before you break it with them. Do it for a week straight and it becomes a habit.

           - Speak from the chest not from the nose (lower the pitch, feel the hum in the chest not the head).

           - Speak lower.

           - Speak louder.

Developing Character

Honest Action

Overcoming Anxiety

Important mindset shift. What women are really thinking:

Honest Communication

Your Intentions

            - Needy man: Intentions are seeking validation and approval

            - Non-needy man: Intentions are vulnerability and free expression

            - Accept that this will happen sometimes

            - Break rapport to generate sexual tension.

            - The uncertainty of potential sexual possibilities: Is he interested in me? Does he want to kiss me? Etc.

            - Be aware of your own emotions, motivations and life story.

            - Share them pro-actively (building trust and encouraging her to share her own).

Improving Your Flirting

First Impressions

            - Your presentation and appearance.

            - Level of anxiety.

            - Your intentions and ability to communicate them clearly.

            - "I'm Myles. I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you."

            - "Excuse me, I know this is kind of random. But I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you. My name's Myles..."

Conversation Skills

            - "I love olives in my drink. When I was a kid I used to eat them straight out of the jars" vs "Do you like olives in your drink?"

            - "You guys look like you’ve been friends for a long time." vs. "How do you guys know each other?"

            - "I go to Harvard right now. But I want to move back out west. The weather’s too cold up here."

Exercise: Take out a sheet of paper and write down three things for each of the following. For each, talk about it to yourself for one minute. Try to be as detailed and honest as possible.

            - Your passions and favorite things to do.

            - Your dreams, ambitions, and life goals.

            - The best or worst things that have happened to you.

            - Your childhood, family life, and upbringing.

            - Humor is only useful if used in conjunction with leading her in a dominant manner and pushing things physically with her. Ultimately, you aren’t ever really attracting a woman unless you’re connecting with her physically and emotionally.

The Dating Process

Texting language


            - Do nighttime. Don't do lunch or afternoon. Don't do movies. Avoid dinner if possible.

            - Aim to peak together at around 10 PM or 11 PM and she has the, “I need to go home, but I don’t want to yet,” feeling.

            - Good locations: Active, participatory, allows for touching and flirting.

               >   Comedy, dance classes, museums, walks in the park or plaza, concerts, getting a drink.

               >   Logistics: Close to her place or your place.

            - String together multiple activities to create dynamism and change.

               >   Bowling > Drinks > Walking in park

               >   Get Coffee > Ice cream > Shopping at bookstore

               >   Park > dinner > drink in bar

            - You lead and make the decisions. Do not ask "what do you want to do now?".

            - Drive conversation deeper, emotional, and more personal.

            - Pay, unless she asks.

Physicality and Sex

           1. Polarizes. She must decide whether to be receptive or not.

           2.  Shows boldness and is therefore attractive as flirting.

            - Pre-conversation. Deliberate eye contact, smiling, she approaches, conspicuous proximity, she wants you to talk to her.

            - Conversation. Smiling / laughing. Flipping hair. Dilated eyes.

            - Escalation: Isolates herself ("let's go outside"). Touching.

            - If she pulls back, ask her how she's feeling. Are you moving too fast? Listen to the answer.

            - Women will often say they don't want to actually have sex. Answer: "That's fine, we'll do whatever you're comfortable with."

            - Remember to tease and escalate slowly. Build expectation. E.g. kissing inside of thighs before oral sex.

            - Important: Be dominant.

               >   Make noise, breathe hard.

               >   Talk dirty: Tell her she's sexy, tell her what you're going to do.

               >   Be physical: Spank her, grab her hair, hold her down, pick her up when changing positions.

               >   Don't ask "Is this ok?", don't defer and take control.

            - Talk and be expressive. “They make it look so easy in the movies.”

Once you’ve reached this point, you’ve reached the point of maximum vulnerability with one person. Typically, women become more invested after sex and men become less invested after sex. The power dynamic in most couples will switch at this point. The power of choice that the woman had (whether to have sex or not) now usually switches over to the man (whether to commit or not). If this power dynamic doesn't switch, it's usually a sign of neediness in the man, and the attraction will not last.

Closing - Game Plan

Level 1: Foundation (Complete 5 of 5)

Level 2: Meeting Women (Complete 4 of 5)

Level 3: Getting to know Women (Complete 2 of 3)

Level 4: Getting Intimate (Complete 2 of 3)

Level 5: Getting Sexual (Complete 2 of 2)

Level 6: Mack Daddy (Optional)

Other Interesting Misc

On "hot" club girls:

On women who cheat:

The dating process: